Why Men Need Other Men
The hidden crisis of male loneliness and what we can do about it
Last night in our men's circle, a successful CEO broke down crying. Not because his business was failing – it was thriving. He cried because for the first time in 20 years, he admitted he was lonely. Surrounded by employees, clients, and family, yet profoundly alone in his inner world.
He's not unique. He's every man I work with.
The Epidemic No One Talks About
Research shows that men today have fewer close friends than any generation before us. The average American man has less than one close friend. Less than one. Let that sink in.
We've been taught to compete, not connect. To achieve, not feel. To provide, not share. And it's killing us – literally. Men with no close friendships have a mortality risk equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
How We Got Here
Growing up, we learned that vulnerability equals weakness. That real men don't cry. That asking for help means you can't handle it yourself. These lessons served a purpose once – they helped our ancestors survive in harsh conditions where showing weakness could be fatal.
But we're not fighting saber-toothed tigers anymore. We're fighting depression, anxiety, and the crushing weight of expectations we can never fully meet.
What Men's Circles Taught Me
When I started facilitating men's circles, I expected to help others. What I didn't expect was how much I needed it myself. Here's what I've witnessed:
- The Relief: When one man shares his struggle, every other man exhales. "Thank God, I'm not the only one."
- The Mirror: In other men's stories, we see our own reflected. Their courage gives us permission.
- The Brotherhood: Not the superficial "bro" culture, but real brotherhood – men who will hold you accountable and hold you when you break.
Beyond Beer and Sports
Don't get me wrong – I love a good game and a cold beer with friends. But that's not enough. We need spaces where we can talk about:
- The fear that we're not good enough fathers
- The pressure of being the provider when we're barely surviving ourselves
- The confusion about what it means to be a man in 2024
- The grief of lost dreams and relationships
- The longing for purpose beyond profit
The Transformation
Here's what happens when men gather authentically:
Week 1:
Awkward silence. Surface-level shares. Everyone wondering if this is a mistake.
Week 4:
First real vulnerability. Someone cries. The ice begins to crack.
Week 8:
Deep sharing. Real support. Men who came as strangers now text each other between sessions.
Week 12:
Brotherhood. These men would show up for each other at 3 AM. They've seen each other's darkness and chosen to stay.
It's Not Therapy (But It's Therapeutic)
Men's circles aren't group therapy. We're not trying to fix each other. We're simply witnessing, sharing, and supporting. Sometimes that's all we need – to be seen and accepted exactly as we are.
Starting Your Own Journey
If you're reading this and feeling that familiar ache of loneliness, here's my invitation:
- Start small: Reach out to one man you trust. Share one real thing.
- Join a circle: Find or create a men's group. Online or in-person.
- Be patient: Building real connection takes time. Stay with it.
- Lead by example: Your vulnerability gives other men permission.
Remember:
Asking for support isn't weakness – it's the most courageous thing you can do. And you don't have to do it alone.
That CEO who cried in our circle? He's still successful, still strong, still a leader. But now he's also connected, supported, and no longer alone. That's the power of men supporting men.