The MacBook That Taught Me to Never Compromise on What I Really Want
Two stories about choosing heart over logic
I no longer believe in going for "the lesser evil" or following something just because it's logical or efficient. I believe in going for what I truly, deeply want—even when I have no idea how.
Story 1: The MacBook Pro
I needed a new computer and wanted a MacBook Pro. I didn't have much money, and it cost 12,000 shekels. I told my girlfriend I was thinking of getting a Lenovo T-series instead—also powerful computers but half the price.
She told me I should buy the MacBook Pro, otherwise I'd be able to work but I'd feel the loss and regret not buying what I really wanted.
So I bought the MacBook. There was a price—not just financial. I had to get serious about making money fast. But I enjoyed that computer, it was comfortable, and it served me for 12 years! How symbolic... It hasn't even broken yet, just gotten annoyingly slow.
To say I'm satisfied with that purchase is an understatement. It was a teaching and healing experience that inspires me to this day.
Story 2: The Job That Cost Me Five Years
I went to work at a place that didn't suit me, just for the money and prestige. I worked for a year, didn't enjoy it, felt exploited. When I left, I had sharp pain in my chest that I later understood was the pain of self-betrayal. I became a stranger to myself, became rigid, started taking everything personally.
I went on a healing journey to South America. Eight months later when I returned, I realized I was just beginning to heal. Five years—that's what it took to return to myself. I remember sitting at a bus stop in Herzliya after meeting with a career counselor, realizing: that's it, I'm healed, finally.
In those five years, I spent everything I'd earned at that job and more, including the exit bonus. But that's nothing. The worst part was feeling terrible for five years plus the year working there.
The Core Lesson
You can't go with logic and expect to fill your heart.
In politics, you can't support a politician whose values fundamentally differ from yours just because they're the least bad option you know, and expect them to bring the change you want.
You can't go with a system you don't really believe in just because "that's what there is" and expect it to bring the change you want to see.
The One Thing You Can Do
There's one thing you can do, and I know it's fucking scary, it's terrifying, but it's what needs to be done: go for what you truly, deeply want, fantasize about, wish for, dream would be here.
Anything else will be disappointing, will breed bitterness and frustration, feelings of victimhood and thoughts about the neighbor's grass.
Choosing a partner who fits on paper but not in your heart—that's a miss. Renting an apartment with a good price but that doesn't make you want to sleep there tonight and nurture it into the coolest place ever—that's a miss. Dreaming about that trip, that job, that guitar, and not doing everything needed to get it—that's a miss.
Well, maybe not the guitar... don't you have enough guitars already?
Flexibility vs. Compromise
Something I learned that might help: the difference between compromising and being flexible.
To compromise means not getting what I wanted.
To be flexible means getting what I wanted, but not necessarily in the way I imagined.
For example, if I want to fly to Japan to see the cherry blossoms, then flying to Italy instead is a compromise. Flying to Japan without seeing the blossoms is also a compromise.
But flying at a different time, or to a different city in Japan, or staying in a hostel instead of a hotel, or going for a week instead of two—as long as I saw the cherry blossoms, which was the essence of the trip—these are flexibilities, not compromises.
People Ask
I wish us all lives full of meaning, interest, enthusiasm, and togetherness. Fears we don't believe and do what we wanted anyway. To be more proud and confident in ourselves.